O___O

Missed connections. Blatant rejections. neglect-ions.

-------

Everything about being a human hurts right now.
3 days worth of pain.





( K I S S )

My laptop crashed yesterday. I was just on facebook and tumblr and just looking around and everything froze. I restarted the computer and then it just black screened and said "Windows XP could not start because the following files are corrupt: C://Windows/system32" or something like that. And that was all I got. Black screen with white letters. LUCKILLLYYY my dad found the restoration software from when we bought the laptop, and that worked (BUT IT TOOK 6 GODDAMN HOURS), but now my laptop has been restored to factory settings and my hard drive was reformatted which means EVERYTHING IS GONE, AND NOTHING WAS BACKED UP. Thousands of mp3 files and pictures and movies and bookmarks to websites and passwords and school files and key club paperwork and my life are now gone forever. Its not like I'm the only person in the world who has experienced a computer crash, but it really makes me realize how much I've depended on technology for happiness. Its like after my computer crashed I just sat there and crawled into a ball and had a panic attack and forgot how to function. Its like I've been cleansed or some crap.

AND FOR SOME STRANGE REASON FACEBOOK WILL NOT OPEN. ITS JUST ALL SYMBOLS LIKE THIS. PLZ HELP!

School started last week. Here is the breakdown of my classes:

A Period: English 4H a.k.a. the only class I have with Kelley and Javon. - The teacher, Mr. Nusloch, has the strangest personality of anyone I've ever met. He's really jumpy and jittery and loud and talks to himself, but aside from that seems really dedicated. We've been studying more of the historical aspects of literature so far, which isn't exactly my forte, but its all good. I really don't like how much he is encouraging competition among his students. Like, for me at least, I don't really care how I rank among my classmates, as long as everything I need to get done gets done. Ok.
~
B Period: Civics with Coach Lacour. This class is the EXACT stereotype of classes taught by coaches. I can tell Lacour really does know about what he is talking about when it comes to government, but he has even admitted that he doesn't take his job as a teacher seriously. Its been a full week and we haven't done much of anything. We start each class off talking about civics, but get off topic so quickly and have ended up talking about guns, porn, and Spaceballs. Easy A??????? YAHTOTALLYZ
~
C Period: Art with Madame Gravel. I really like this class so far. I mean it is basic art concepts like shading and sketching which I already know, but I really like Madame Gravel. She doesn't take shit from anyone and its funny, and I like everyone who sits at my table. Another easy A class.
~
D Period: LVS Online Class. At this time I just go and sit on a computer in the Library and take two online classes, Graphic Design and Web Mastering. The web mastering so far is just basic HTML which I already know. Most days so far when I log on, there isn't even an assignment for me, so I just basically get a free period when that happens.
---------------------------------------
This year I'm already involved in Key Club, Art Club, Diplomats, JCL, Green Club, and Lasallian Youth.
I'm the president of Key Club fyi, and I'm really grossly enthusiastic about it. LIKEEEEE you should see my binder filled with ideas. Its disgusting.
+++ SOMEONE TOTALLY STOLE MY LOCKER.I went to go put stuff in it, and there was a lock already on it. :( :(


Last week I was contacted by someone from Invisible Children, who wants to set up a movie screening at my school. My principal has yet to respond to my email regarding getting this arranged, so I guess I'll just keep barraging her with emails until she does.

A N D I can't wait for The Cleveland Show.

Its summer. Here comes another fatasssleepinalldaystayonthecomputereatandreadandneverbathe vacation.

No invisible children walk.
No prom.
No after party.
No hair.
No life.
No heart.
All disappointment.

UMumumUMUmUMUm I hate that I sleep so much and that I am sick and have to take so many pills every so many hours right now and prescription and cough medicine tastes like feet and I completely BS-ed my term paper and I wasted $10 on a skate night ticket because no one is going anymore and I hate that my room smells like a canal because I never change my turtle's water and the vitamins I'm taking make my pee fluorescent yellow that can't be good and I wish I was healthier and I love tea but I hate tomatoes and its 2:00 AM and I have to be at school for 6:00 AM because I have to make up a test and I'm really happy that there is a new DS WITH A CAMERAAAAA Beyonce' is advertising that new game and I saw the trailer for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince I can't wait and I hate run-on sentences and I wish I wish I wish WAIT I can't believe you found your dream field I am still searching endlessly I remember I found one when we evacuated last time but I will probably never see it again and and Bow Wow is rumored to be coming to prom I HATE IT and I need to get new glasses I can't see and My sentence structure is gone. I found a watercolor pad on the ground at the park.

Tentative schedule for Señor year.

English 4 Honors
AP English
Religion 4
Calculus
Civics
Intern for Mrs. Ellis
LVS Digital Graphics and Web Mastering
Art 1
Art 2

ready to have fuwn, again.

I wish that things didn't happen. C'mon ONLY 21 DAYS LEFT! Was that the most loving thing? What would Sister Janine say about this? I'm calling 6 On Your Side. I still am in a shock. Wait, but not so much shock. More disappointment. But I already had a gut feeling this was going to happen. No more lol's at lunch.
( nonsensical  )

( keepin me up )

The world is holding me hostage and won't let me venture past the confines of this body.
What am I even talking abouttttttttttt
iPod shuffle is not doing it for me
make me a playlist to dream to

WAIT Can taking an extra hit off of my inhaler negatively affect me and or my lungs?
ohhhwell I've been taking 3 puffs instead of 2.
Albuterol makes me shaky and nauseous, but it stops the coughs.
~~~
My nose is runnnnnnning, like dripping, like pouring all day long. I wish teachers would invest in actual tissue and not be cheap and put half used rolls of toilet paper on their desks.
~~~
It took me a while to pick my jaw up off the floor. Its not like I was THAT surprised, but I was just definitely caught off guard.
~~~
The water in Baton Rouge made my hair feel like strands of plastic Easter grass. Thank God that trip was only overnight because I would've jumped out of the 4th story window if I was stuck with Baby No for a longer period of time. I think that it would've been funny if people would've actually shown up to room 416 for the "bounce party all nyte long~" that we were announcing to the masses.
~~~

My body hurts.
I can't stay awake.
My throat is on fire.
My inhaler makes my body shake.


I hate that that rhymes. I hate exams. I hate technology. I just want to hide in the forest and find a hollow tree trunk to live in and read books and be detached from society. I hate humans.

Thank God Almighty
I am free at last


I QUIT MY JOB TODAY

-How to be an Explorer of the World
-Running With Scissors
-Perks of Being a Wallflower
-Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
-Dry

Got my ACT scores. Got a damn 22 and a 7 on the essay.
~
KeEpIn mA wEaVe NyCe AnD sIlKy
~
I have become engulfed by the flood of crap that has become my room
~
Downloaded craps of music.
~
I read in the NY Times Online today that the Catholic Church is offering indulgences again. WHAT THE HELL.

"...charitable contributions, when combined with other acts, can earn you one"

GIVE THE CHURCH YOU MONEY AND "OTHER ACTS" AND YOU GET A FREE RIDE TO HEAVEN W00T.
~
That is all

I sleep comfortably in my bed until 6:30, when my mom comes into my room to and screams at me to wake up. I scream back until she leaves my room and I fall back asleep. Promptly at 6:45 she returns with a rebuttal. I ignore her efforts and go back to sleep. At 7:00 the screams worsen and I have no choice but to get up. I put on my uniform, brush my teeth, make my hair look presentable, grab some water, drag my book bag through the house; I am ready in 5 minutes. I go outside to put my crap in the car and wait. You would think that my mother would be ready by now, but usually not. I sit in the car and listen to the radio for about 5 minutes until she is finally ready. It is now 7:something-or-other and we are running late. My mother carefully observes all speed limit laws, which helps nothing whatsoever. We pace through the traffic and finally get across the river and about 7:30, and have only 10 minutes to get all the way down St. Charles to school for 7:40. I usually get there just as the bell is ringing.

This is how it happens each and every morning. Except the mornings when I haven't gone to sleep yet because of insomnia. On these mornings I am ready and waiting and anxious to leave at 5:00 AM due to excess energy from chain drinking tea/coffee.


whoops.

I wish someone would come over. I wish someone knew where I lived. Better yet I wish someone would take me away. To someplace I've never been. To someplace where I can't find my way back home.

Just sitting, waiting, wishing.

( Smells like history )