O___O

Missed connections. Blatant rejections. neglect-ions.

-------

Everything about being a human hurts right now.
3 days worth of pain.





( K I S S )

My laptop crashed yesterday. I was just on facebook and tumblr and just looking around and everything froze. I restarted the computer and then it just black screened and said "Windows XP could not start because the following files are corrupt: C://Windows/system32" or something like that. And that was all I got. Black screen with white letters. LUCKILLLYYY my dad found the restoration software from when we bought the laptop, and that worked (BUT IT TOOK 6 GODDAMN HOURS), but now my laptop has been restored to factory settings and my hard drive was reformatted which means EVERYTHING IS GONE, AND NOTHING WAS BACKED UP. Thousands of mp3 files and pictures and movies and bookmarks to websites and passwords and school files and key club paperwork and my life are now gone forever. Its not like I'm the only person in the world who has experienced a computer crash, but it really makes me realize how much I've depended on technology for happiness. Its like after my computer crashed I just sat there and crawled into a ball and had a panic attack and forgot how to function. Its like I've been cleansed or some crap.

AND FOR SOME STRANGE REASON FACEBOOK WILL NOT OPEN. ITS JUST ALL SYMBOLS LIKE THIS. PLZ HELP!

no thoughts.
about anything.

School started last week. Here is the breakdown of my classes:

A Period: English 4H a.k.a. the only class I have with Kelley and Javon. - The teacher, Mr. Nusloch, has the strangest personality of anyone I've ever met. He's really jumpy and jittery and loud and talks to himself, but aside from that seems really dedicated. We've been studying more of the historical aspects of literature so far, which isn't exactly my forte, but its all good. I really don't like how much he is encouraging competition among his students. Like, for me at least, I don't really care how I rank among my classmates, as long as everything I need to get done gets done. Ok.
~
B Period: Civics with Coach Lacour. This class is the EXACT stereotype of classes taught by coaches. I can tell Lacour really does know about what he is talking about when it comes to government, but he has even admitted that he doesn't take his job as a teacher seriously. Its been a full week and we haven't done much of anything. We start each class off talking about civics, but get off topic so quickly and have ended up talking about guns, porn, and Spaceballs. Easy A??????? YAHTOTALLYZ
~
C Period: Art with Madame Gravel. I really like this class so far. I mean it is basic art concepts like shading and sketching which I already know, but I really like Madame Gravel. She doesn't take shit from anyone and its funny, and I like everyone who sits at my table. Another easy A class.
~
D Period: LVS Online Class. At this time I just go and sit on a computer in the Library and take two online classes, Graphic Design and Web Mastering. The web mastering so far is just basic HTML which I already know. Most days so far when I log on, there isn't even an assignment for me, so I just basically get a free period when that happens.
---------------------------------------
This year I'm already involved in Key Club, Art Club, Diplomats, JCL, Green Club, and Lasallian Youth.
I'm the president of Key Club fyi, and I'm really grossly enthusiastic about it. LIKEEEEE you should see my binder filled with ideas. Its disgusting.
+++ SOMEONE TOTALLY STOLE MY LOCKER.I went to go put stuff in it, and there was a lock already on it. :( :(


Last week I was contacted by someone from Invisible Children, who wants to set up a movie screening at my school. My principal has yet to respond to my email regarding getting this arranged, so I guess I'll just keep barraging her with emails until she does.

A N D I can't wait for The Cleveland Show.

I posted this on facebook, but thought I'd share here as well. These are things I remember from my childhood. I've been periodically adding these things to a word document as I thought of them. The list got pretty massive. I'm sure there will be more to come. I really wish I could categorize this but so many things fall in so many different categories, so I think being haphazard actually works better. Happy Reminiscing.

( Nostalgia )

I am terrible.
Everything is terrible.
No one is reliable.
Nothing is reliable.
Teenagers are disgusting.
Are we there yet?
Is it safe now?
Leave it to me.

Starting in 2 hours I will not be home for a week. I will be at a monstrous program called "Boy's State." I didn't sleep, so today will be very interesting. My lack of social skills will prove themselves this week, making me miserable. I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW NOW THAT I WILL NOT BE JOINING IN ON ANY GROUP SINGING/CHANTING, NOR WILL I BE GIVING ANY SPEECHES. Expect me to be a Debbie Downer. This is how I feel right now:


Send help if possible.

I leave you with this:


JUNE 28 EDIT: I got food poisoning and spent the majority of the first day throwing up/dry heaving in the "infirmary." They sent me home early. I didn't have to endure the program after all.

THE YAK AND THE UNICYCLE
WRITTEN BY ME (in all caps) IN 3RD GRADE

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A YAK WHO WAS VERY SAD.HIS MOM AND DAD COULD SING.HIS SISTER COULD PLAY THE PIANO.HIS BROTHER WAS A STRAIGHT A+ STUDENT.BUT LITTLE BOB COULD NOT DO ANYTHING.SO ONE DAY WHEN HE WAS WALKING HOME FROM SCHOOL HE PASSED IN FRONT OF A BICYCLE SHOP.HE SAW A SHINY RED UNICYCLE IN THE WINDOW.HE WANTEDITSO BADLY .HIS BIRTHDAY WAS ONLY 8 DAYS AWAY.HE ASKED HIS PARENTS.THEY SAID MABEY. FINALLY IT WAS HIS BIRTHDAY.HE OPENED ALL OF HIS PREASENTS.HE DID NOT SEE A UNICYCLE.BUT AT THE LAST MINITS HIS MOM AND DAD BROUGHT OUT A LARGE BOX.HE RIPPED IT OPEN AS FAST AS HE COULD.ITS THE UNICYCLE!!!! HE SHOUTED LOUDLY.HE WAS SO HAPPY.HE TRIED RIDING IT.HE FELL OFF A COUPLE OF TIMES.BUT HE PRACTICED AND PRACTICED.HE GOT VERY GOOD.HE BECAME A PROFESSIONAL CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS.HE LOVEDHIS JOB.UNTIL ONE DAY HE GOT VERY SICK.HIS HAIR FELL OUT AND HIS NOSE WAS STUFFED.HE STARTED TO FEEL BETTER 3 MONTHS LATER.BUT HE DID NOT GO BACK TO THE CIRCUS UNTIL 1 YEAR LATER.WHEN HE WENT BACK TO THE CIRCUS HE HAD TO LEARNEHOW TO RIDE THE UNICYCLE AGAIN.BUT HE WAS STILL THE BEST UNICYCLE RIDER IN THE WHOLE CIRCUS.
THE END
_________________________________________________
original here
I typed this on my awesome typewriter. Check out that awesome illustration. Clearly I did not understand the concept of the space bar. I love how I spelled "PROFESSIONAL" correctly, but not "PREASENTS" or "MABEY."

It can't be anything with words because I focus too much on the words and sing along instead of focusing on the work. But I usually listen to the yahoo radio jazz channel, or I listen to A Living Soundtrack, even though their EP only has 5 songs. Amiina and Sigur Ros work too. Most people say they listen to classical when they study, but the only classical I like is Moonlight Sonata, which is too depressing to listen to while studying.

This economy is really making me want to take a massive dump on life. My family doesn't have any money to send me to college. Everything is going out of business, and I don't think my dad will have a job much longer. My parents have started buying generic EVERYTHING. Does anyone else hate using 'Valuetime Toilet Tissue'?? I think that I am going to have a yard sale and sell my soul for some Charmin. I guess this Degrassi marathon is exactly what the world needed.

I never get anything accomplished. I want to cook things and make things and go places but I just plop in bed all day and never bathe and just eat chips and I play Rhythm Heaven and Cooking Mama and Elite Beat Agents. Kelley leaves for Harvard in a few hours which means my summer is officially over. I ran out of money and I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO BOY'S STATE. My cat is sleeping on the floor. Ok bye.

Why must we put each other down? Do we feel threatened? Why must we frown upon the accomplishments of others?

I'm glad to know that I am needed. I'm glad people for some reason find me reliable. I have a purpose.

I keep having this recurring dream. More so lately than usual. I have already had it twice this week. It starts differently every time, but always ends the same way. It usually starts with some kind of disaster: My house catching on fire, a hurricane, someone trying to break into my house, or the strangest one of all, someone trying to drug my dog in my yard. Each time one of these events occurs I try to call for help, but my phone proves to be useless. I dial 911, but what shows up on the screen is something like 265. Now matter how many times I dial, the correct number never goes through. I will then try to call other family members, and the same thing happens. I am usually alone in these situations and I just stand there frantically dialing and dialing when the disaster reaches a climaxing moment, and just as my life is threatened, I wake up sweating profusely and breathing heavily.
I. HAVE. NO. IDEA. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING.

On another note, I finished reading the Da Vinci Code today. 600 pages in 3 days. Now I suddenly have the urge to study about secret societies and the sacred feminine. LUkks LyK3 iiM g0iNg tO th3 LiiBrAry~

My dream home consists of forests and fields. I want to be detached from society. I will wander through nature and seek shelter within a large hollowed tree and eat twigs and berries and leaves. I will lay in the grass all day and bask in the glow of the sun/moon. I will bathe in a nearby stream. The animals will be my children. I will fashion writing utensils out of bark and vines and whatever I can find and paint and draw with a mud/flower mixture. I won't need technology.


YAHhhHHHRIGHHHHTTTT

I'm stuck here. In commercialized unsustainable suburbia. Hello lyfe~

Is it wrong that I second guess the ones closest to me? Is it wrong that I take and take but never give back? Is it wrong that I don't seed files that I download via torrent? AND Is it wrong that my great-grandma wrote "Happy 5th Birthday" on my check instead of 17th?


No its not. Its OK. All is forgiven.

Permission to come aboard, captain?

I saw Star Trek today. It was an absolutely amazing movie. I don't normally go for "action flicks," but this one seemed promising, and proved to be so, although I wanted to throw things at the horny 20something couple making out in front of us throughout the entire movie. WHY PAY MONEY TO GO TO MOVIES AND MAKE OUT WHEN YOU CAN MAKE OUT AT HOME FOR FREE???
I am drinking gallons of water per day again to improve my skin and purge my body.
ONLY 8 days until my birthday, and there is no word of birthday outings. Animal Collective is the day after, but I doubt I will be attending.
Contemplation only brings me into depression. I can't remember what is fun anymore. I have nothing to do, and nothing to plan on doing.

Permission denied.

Its summer. Here comes another fatasssleepinalldaystayonthecomputereatandreadandneverbathe vacation.